What qualities do you look for most in a partner?


Once when I was in fourth grade, my homeroom teacher asked us to create a flipbook. “It can be anything you want. Where you’ll go on vacation this summer or what you’d like to be when you grow up”, she described. In retrospect, it was simply to practice writing in future tense.

I took the hint.

“When I grow up, I will have graduated from Yale Law School. After a few years of being a lawyer, I will retire to my cottage in the English countryside. I will then marry someone with a dog.”

You can tell the one thing I really wanted that Christmas.

We’ve talked about the small (sometimes secret!) things we find attractive in a person. Now, I’d like to ask what do you look for most in a partner?

Asking ‘what does this person want from life?’: “In my experience, partners must want the same thing, no matter how infatuated you both may be. In relationships, we imagine our future with that partner and spin up dreams about how our lives will unfold together. When a couple’s values differ, those dreams can look very different. On the other hand, when you and your partner both share the same vision, you reinforce each other positively to bring that dream to fruition.” -J

Stimulating and thoughtful conversations: “I’m interesting if you’re the right person. I hate being ignored and have a strong need to share and discuss things that make me think and that I find interesting. It’s not very common so when you find someone who likes it, it feels more special and rare.” -R

Finding comfort and belonging: “I look for someone who nurtures my sense of presence. I’m often too cognizant of the future, but I find refuge in deep connections. Honest and tolerant conversation has to be there. So does comfort in both silence and frivolity. Bonus points for anyone that looks like John Stamos.” -Anonymous

A simple, straight-forward list: “A healthy and strong body, a curious mind, ambition to have a successful career and positivity.” -M

 Just one thing: “A person who is kind”, said my boyfriend, because he is sweet.
(cheeky photo via Buzzfeed)


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